For Sale: One Slightly Used Wedding Dress

Wedding Dress

For Sale……One slightly used wedding dress.

I ran into it at the back of the closet today.

I didn’t think it would make me cry…..

But there it was….all white and beautiful and outdated…..

It looked just like it did the day I wore it……but now….

….it has too many memories to feel safe in my closet.

I have had a friend bury hers. She took it out….had a ceremony….. and actually buried it six feet under.

I have had a friend sell hers and another give hers to someone who needed one….online I have read about people who made theirs into pillows to give to their daughters. I don’t think mine want any reminders currently…..

I cannot decide what to do with this dress.

None of my girls want it…….I wouldn’t want it if it had been my mother’s….a constant reminder of failure.

………..and I do not want it either. I find I don’t want anything from him anymore. I want to be completely done. I want to put my face forward and I don’t want to look back.

I am still dealing with how to be happy at any weddings that actually do take place…how to overcome the shame of a failed marriage….how to be a mom giving a bride away because there is no father…..how to stand there and wish them well…knowing that in their heads they might be thinking …”Well…it didn’t exactly work out for you now mom did it?” or they may just be hoping their marriage will work out better than mine did.

I brushed against the garment bag…..I heard the familiar rustle of the taffeta ….the organza….the ruffles.

I chose this dress because it seemed beautiful to me at the time….a lot like I thought my marriage would be.

The dress was flowing and feminine…..and so much like a  princess in my head. I wanted to be radiant and beautiful. I wanted to be a woman who felt her husband thought she was beautiful that day….

I desired to make a memory that would last…year after year…watching the video and reminiscing about how wonderful the first day was and all the wonderful days that followed.

In the closet, it brushed against my arm…..now a reminder of all that did not happen….and all that I failed to do….all that I had dreamed …….and all that came crashing down in an instant.

It is hanging there in the closet…..

…….and I am sitting here crying…. I am allowing myself to grieve.

I need to figure out what to do with one slightly used wedding dress…..

I need to figure out what to do with one slightly used heart.

6 Replies to “For Sale: One Slightly Used Wedding Dress”

  1. Grieving and crying are wonderful steps forward. The slightly used dress is truly beautiful, as is your slightly used heart.

  2. You didn’t fail. He did. He failed himself. Yes we all bring some baggage to a marriage but nothing excuses an addiction. They always come up with viable reasons that can go on forever to point out our flaws. They have to because their self-worth is so low. Only he can change his miserable condition. God loves all sinners and as you stated somewhere only His love can accomplish what you and I couldn’t with our ex’s. A friend shared this me and it’s worth passing along:
    Your wife is not your accountability partner, your therapist, or your confessor. She’s also not God, not the parent who failed you, or whomever else you’re angry at. Stop using her to make you feel better about yourself. Stop blaming her. Stop pointing out her flaws. You may not be ready or able to love her as you should since you can’t even begin to truly love yourself until you get sober and stay sober. But stop hurting her more than you have already……..May God uplift you and your precious girls through this storm. You are a priceless treasure and the daughter of a mighty King. He may have chosen to stay in bondage but you are finally FREE and brighter days will come.

    1. Thank you Mona. These are very comforting words! I am praying that your story is at a brighter spot. I am praying you have found healing and peace with all that has happened. I am still finding my story and gaining healing every day. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful community around me…..but healing from a spouse’s addiction is difficult, heart-rending work.

      1. My divorce was final a few weeks ago. It was a long term marriage (college sweetheart). I have a long road ahead of me. I go to counseling but due to insurance it’s on hold. Your blog has been a blessing. He walked out on our family with no warning. Refused all offers for recovery from church
        and other resources. The guilt and shame seem to be deep. But the denial and selfish motives are even deeper. I read that they don’t form intimate bonds so no emotional attachment. What a tragic waste of God given life. Satan sure has a way of getting his claws into some people.

  3. Mona….I am so sorry. I am praying right now for you! I am praying that you have so many wonderful, thoughtful, compassionate people step into your life…..that you feel a flood of support….and that God is tangibly holding your hand and allowing you to rest your head on his wide, deep, strong shoulders! Ugh! Such sin….suck darkness….BUT….YOU are beautiful and walk with a heavenly husband who adores you and comes to take your heart back to Him!!!!

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