There is something terribly sweet about a fifth grader’s heart! Their devotions are so raw and insightful sometimes. These are students on the cusp of the teen years and headed into uncharted waters. They are not exactly little kids anymore but instead are a delightful mixture of some of the qualities of little ones and some of the qualities of older ones. I find them unique and lovely.

Today I knew devotions needed to be something a little different than usual. I have a student that has been struggling with disrespect and disobedience. His little heart has a root that has taken hold and is trying to take over. It is a quiet root….it is a firm root….it has to be dislodged for his own good. If it is not dislodged, he will suffer…he will not become all that God has planned for him….and that would grieve our hearts.

He had been sent to the student services office just yesterday and left with a consequence to be fulfilled this morning. He had been disrespectful publicly, and so he needed to apologize publicly. He told me he was prepared to do so. I had prayed for God to show me how to reach this student’s heart. I knew I needed to make it safe for this student to confess.

I had my students read Mark Ch 9: 33-35

Who Is the Greatest?

³³ And they came to Capernaum. And when he was in the house he asked them, “What were you discussing on the way?” ³⁴ But they kept silent, for on the way they had argued with one another about who was the greatest. ³⁵ And he sat down and called the twelve. And he said to them, “If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.”

We then had a discussion about how we still argue with one another about who is the greatest. Some of the students began talking about how they rank their worth. Someone said that the most popular ones are the funny and athletic students. Someone else objected and said it is the academic students who are best. Someone else piped in and said it is those who show kindness that are best and greatest. They all agreed that they rank people in their heads and desire deeply to know if they are one of the top ones or even THE Top One. We could all identify with the disciples.

Then we began to talk about what the scripture was really saying. What was Jesus telling us about being the greatest? We reread the words he spoke to the disciples. It was like an epiphany lighting up all at once. Their hearts were hooked.

“If anyone would be first, he must be last of all and servant of all.”

Someone suddenly said that we all needed to be servants to each other to be great. Eyes were flitting around the room…..their own hearts had been exposed.

Then I asked them how we could serve each other when we see someone sin? I asked them how to serve someone who is talking out, clowning around, cheating, gossiping, or doing something you know they should not? They all thought for a moment. They came up with various good things….ignore the student, remind them gently, and let a teacher know.

After a few minutes, I asked them some simple questions.

Are you serving your classmates? Is there anything that you are doing that isn’t loving and serving them? Is there anything you are sorry for or need help with?

A few moments went by as we sat in silence. Suddenly one brave soul ventured out….” I am sorry for talking out and interrupting. I have improved this week,” he added. “I haven’t had any lunchtime trash duty!” Everyone agreed. He had improved and we were so proud of him.

Then another one chimed in. “I am sorry for being mean to someone last year. I am sorry that I was mean to a lot of the girls. I am sorry I was only nice to the boys.” The seriousness on his face let me know just how deep his heart was feeling his remorse. “And…..” He paused. “And thank you for giving me a second chance. I am thankful that I got to change. You all have let me change. I want to be nice to that girl this year!” Everyone looked at this student with such forgiveness in their hearts. They all clapped and told him he had changed and they forgave him. So I asked him if there was anything we could do to help him. He told us a few specific things and everyone clapped again and said they would help. I don’t know why they clapped. It just sort of was spontaneous and wonderful. It was like everyone wanted to let him know that he was terrific and they believed in him.

Then a sweet girl spoke up. “I am sorry that sometimes when someone gets an answer wrong, I kind of laugh in my head.  I need to show kindness.” Some other heads nodded.

“I am sorry that I get angry with myself when I don’t understand quickly enough” said another girl. This time everyone encouraged her. They told her how wonderful she was and to give herself some grace. Her smile was so bright!

I looked around, and I asked if there was anyone else.  I looked at my wayward hearted one. He wouldn’t look at me. I asked him if he was ready. He looked up at me and I could see it in his eyes. He said, “No!”

I waited a moment and let it sink in. Then I asked again if he was ready. He looked at me with those eyes that said he did not ever intend to risk that vulnerability here EVER and he said again, “NO!”

So I asked him into the hallway while the rest began their morning prayers for one another. We discussed what had been asked of him, and I asked him if he knew why he refused to confess. He said that he didn’t want to. I asked him if he knew what this refusal was. He said in a small voice…”disobedience.”

He simply did not want to do it. My heart was sinking. I walked him through why it was disrespectful and disobedient. He listened and weighed his options. I asked him if he was ready to return to the classroom. He agreed.

So, we walked back in, ready to venture forth with our hearts. When we sat down in the prayer circle, the others were finishing up praying for one another. I looked at my student and he looked at me. I asked him if he was ready. He looked to the floor. I waited a moment longer and then I heard him, “NO!”

My heart was sad and I asked my aide to take him up to the office. He looked panicked as the reality of his choice was becoming clear. She began to cross the room to take him out. He looked at me and whispered, “No, I won’t go.” His voice was soft but firm. He wouldn’t budge and he wouldn’t confess. He was stuck.

So I had my aide go and get the guidance counselor . When she arrived, he quietly went and we finished our devotions and finished our morning. I was apprised a little later that he had talked things through with his dad and the guidance counselor and wanted to come and confess. So I reconvened the group.  We talked about how this student was not used to our environment. We discussed how to encourage him in his walk and how to understand that not every school makes it safe for you to fail and mess up and confess and be encouraged and forgiven. They were so understanding and so eager to help this young man learn how good our community is!

Our young man came into our circle and he looked around and then at me. His eyes were filling with tears and his lip quivered. He spoke very softly, “I am so sorry for being disobedient and disobeying yesterday.” His eyes darted to the floor as he waited for the hammer to fall and the laughter or ridicule to start.

Every student felt his shame and every student was ready to encourage his heart and love him in spite of this mistake.

I told him that I forgave him and I asked him if there was anything we could do to help him. Was there anything he could think of that we could do to help him remember to be respectful and obedient?

He looked up. There was no judgment to be found anywhere in the room. Everyone was smiling at him. He looked at me. “No, I just need to do it,” he said.

He was walked back up to the office to talk about the morning one last time before returning to the classroom.

Later I learned that coming down to confess, he had been like a dejected puppy trailing behind and dragging his feet. On the way out of the classroom after the confession, he was as light as air. He was walking beside and talking so freely. She mentioned to him how good it felt to confess. He said, “Yeah….you just kind of feel lighter.”

He was lighter all day.

At the end of the day, I called him over and told him how proud I was of him for being brave and facing his sin and asking for forgiveness.

He smiled.

I told him how very much I wanted him to know that we are all on his side and love him and want to encourage him. He said he knew and then quietly walked back to his desk.

Yup…..that is what I want them to know. I want them to know they are loved and forgiven…not because I am perfect or their classmates are perfect but because we are all serving each other in love just like our Savior has taught us. We are doing what he first did for us. I love that my school allows us to truly serve each other daily. Today was one of those special days when the curtain is pulled back and you see the hearts of the students laid bare. Days like this are like the moments after the rain when a rainbow is so clear and beautiful that you can’t help but catch your breath.